Lately I've been thinking about how things have become part of my body. How when I first started ...... I thought "wow, this is not good for me. It is going to fuck up my throat and my teeth will rot and fall". And now I don't think about it. I just do it. I do it like I sleep and I eat and I drink. I don't want to get sick!
I found a hair pin on my bed this morning, and it isn't mine. I also have amnesia. Been going out and drinking a lot lately. I want to blame it on Jamie but it's all me. I met the girls at S4 for the season premiere of The L word last night. I really need to get cable when I move because this waiting for it to come out on dvd is totally not cool. D was there and I tried to be nice to her and say hi but I really did not want her to come home with me. We went to Havana for dinner and than to Sue's for some pool. I think the girl with short hair likes me. She keeps making these indirect and direct comments about it. She's got a girlfriend and I've decided I'm gonna stay away from the "taken".
I'm thinking about buying her a ticket so she can come see me. I am dying to see her and have her in my bed again. She's definitely broken up with her ex. Not that that was ever a problem between us but I guess it's a good thing. I wanted to fuck her since the first day I met her. I never really thought that I would actually do it. I offered to buy her a ticket but she refused. She said she would save up the money herself and come see me. I don't really feel like waiting too long so I think I just might make her accept it! :)
Clearly, I will never have the right things to say or the right ways to say them when I should. It is not my intention to hurt someone's feelings but sometimes my lack of "nice words" just goes out of control. Sometimes I get so frustrated with her that I want to slap her and say "NO, bitch, no!" but I just bite my tongue and turn around. She wants to meet my roommate after I gave her the lecture on "giving people a chance" no matter what their sexual orientation is.
He moved to one of the first apartments he lived in when we first met. I can recall one particular memory that I have of that apartment. That is probably one of the best memories I have of "us" and it's decided to remain vivid in my mind and wonder around freely. I had a dream about it last night.
I was talking to her the other night and remembered her mentioning something about a journal of thanks a while back. Where you write 5 things you are thankful for that happened to you that day, so you can't cop out and say because I have great parents and live above the equator. I don't know where to start. I sit at home with my journal sitting on my lap and nothing comes to mind. Perhaps I'm just being lazy and I'm not thinking outside the box but I just can't seem to find a reason to be thankful for.
I think of a piece of heavy glass that has been dropped repeatedly, and then one day is dropped again, and just when you began to think that it was an anomaly of sand and heat, completely shatters, as though it had kept and remembered the secret cracks, all of the impacts stored in the body of it. Like latent dissolution. Have I made this up?
How could I not have loved you than? with your arms around my waist, my cheek under your hair and your nose brushing my ear. The morning I asked myself that over and over!
I may need to have a wisdom tooth pulled. I have never had any cavities or any teeth pulled in my life so you can understand my fear at the moment. I never liked dentists or gynos. I'm hoping I can go by without having it pulled. Oh lawrdy! My stomach is feeling a bit weird right now.
