"I was born when she kissed me. I died when she left me. I lived a few weeks while she loved me." -A lonely place
A good night's sleep is non-existant. Sleep, I've forgotten what you feel like. I wore make-up this morning to work, after months and months of not. I wish that I could refuse to make the same mistake twice, a strong forceful gesture. Instead I tiptoe and hope that everything will work itself out to my advantage. I'm a fucking joke and it's written all over this journal. I'm exhausted but the above flowers made me smile. I have no idea how long I stood there. Looking. Thinking. It must've been a few minutes before I realized what I was actually feeling at that particular moment.
Okay, I thought. Here you are. You are here. And you move forward because that's the way it works; that's the only place you can go. You keep going until it stops hurting, or until you find new things to hurt you worse, I guess. And that is the human condition, all of us lurching along in our own private miseries, because that's the way it is. Because, I guess, God didn't give us any choice. You grow up, I remembered Tonantzin telling me. You learn.
When I like something, I like it all the way. I can't help it, it's just the way I am. I have tried (and failed) so many times to alter this part of my personality, and I cant. When I'm in, I'm all in, and thats all there is to it. So if I like you a lot and I call you too much or try too hard or look at you weird when we are together, I am sorry. Well for clarification: I am only sorry if this makes you uncomfortable. I'm not sorry for genuinely liking you a whole lot. That part shouldn't make anyone uncomfortable. It should be flattering if someone thinks you're really special.
I went to Aldo and bought 3 tags from their Youth Aids campaign. I had bought them for Meli, Miriam and one for myself but I felt bad and ended up giving Miriam's to Meli's gf whom I'm not too fond of anymore. I shall buy Miriam one when she comes back.
I miss those duvalin kisses I would get. I'm sorry Ms Bic Runga but you are spending all night with me.
