I watch her and I can't stop but feel warm inside. I'm falling in love or lust or something. Don't ask me with whom or what. I haven't got a clue. Just that I'm falling and I'm falling much to quickly and the ground doesn't look so soft.
These days, all I'm doing is just not trying to get my hopes up.
All my flowers are weeping in the shadows, screaming for attention but too silent to be heard by the ears we have covered with headphones, pouring out vibrations we'll never understand. Words sometimes can degrade an emotion so greatly, I feel ashamed for the effort made. And all I crave right now is for someone to knock on my door, fill this empty space with laughter that we don't comprehend. Can we just pretend for a moment that our love is pure and undamageable? Hearing the tea kettle whistle melodies quietly into the air, we are everything. We are e v e r y t h i n g.
Oh, little heart of mine! Show me that you can still BE!
I am currently on passive aggressive mode.
I've been trying for so long to put my body into words, you know. I have been calling for leeches in my sleep to articulate the cells, the dichotomy of my blood count. I have been contacting the pentagon. I need codebreakers. I am sure there are messages scrawled underneath my skin. I am convinced that my pores form patterns. I have been writing until my hands fall asleep, hoping I can distance myself and find the answer. I have been waiting. You have known all along, haven't you. You are reading the bones in my spine. You tap out messages to my arteries in morse code. I am neither awake nor asleep. I am done looking. I watch you, pupils dilated. I am learning more about your skin every time you whisper. I have heard stories of men who lose their memory. Who wake up in empty buildings, relearning the way the sun sets in the sky. I count the stars every night to assure myself I will not forget. I wake up alone; but these things don't matter like they used to.
We sat around high tables, smoking cigarettes as people lingered and moved on around us. There's a girl sitting accross the bar staring at us. He asks me "do you know her?" and I reply "I can't see shit right now" as I take a sip of my cherry vodka sour. I look at her and she smiles at me. I can't, for the life of me, see or remember who she is. I immediately regret leaving my glasses on the dashboard. I take another sip of my drink and give up at the fact that I just do not remember her. My glasses will get out of the car with me wherever I go. I stand 4 feet behind her and I still can't remember her. Than I realize that my glasses are not the problem. It is my memory or should I say "lack of" it. I need to learn to remember names.
