day two. no drugs. trying to sleep sober. one mississippi, two mississippi, three mississippi. i have an entire drawer of mississippis in my head, all accounted for. i startle awake at eighty mississippi only to start over at one again. the daytime isnt much better. i say, i say, i see daylight where there is no daylight. sunstreaks, crawling across the bottoms of doors, curling their greedy fingers towards me. trying to touch me, taste me. ghost women passengers in my back seat, maggots eating their mouths. faces in the curtains asking me questions and frowns in the mirror. there are bags under my eyes, big, purple, and veiny. i can see through my skin. i try to nap and im only greeted by nightmares. and when i wake up, breathing hard and soaked with sweat, i cannot remember what i was running from, why i was crying. i wipe my brow and head for the bathroom only to give myself the same speech.
you are filth.
back to bed to lay here for a bit. contemplate life a bit. realize that my life is a sham, a bit. realize that i have far too much time on my hands, a bit. scratch my head a bit. read, a bit. mundane. blink. breathe. sweat. live.
my ceiling's dirty. there are cobwebs in the corners of my room.
this reminds me of the days i used to ............. to get to sleep. the ................. really keep you up. really. this reminds me of the times i didnt sleep for weeks on end. except now, im by myself. just myself. and i've got nothing but my thoughts for light years to come. and the only thing running through my veins is blood.
